Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
