Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
