Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
