Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
