It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
