the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
