My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
