I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
