I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
