Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
