Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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