it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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