today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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