First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
