i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize