i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
where are my eyebrows?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize