he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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