You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
