so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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