I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
