Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
