where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
