oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
