I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
