believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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