i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Bring me that man meat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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