Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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