Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
