We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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