our cab driver is having phone sex.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
