The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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