Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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