I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
