I want to stick my p in your. b.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
