I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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