At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
