mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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