WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
