This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
