his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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