but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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