We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
