i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
