After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
