how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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