dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
