Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
