By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
