our cab driver is having phone sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
