I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
