There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
