Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Small penises have feelings too.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
