garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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