I wanna bring you to show and tell
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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