man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
