I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wear drunk well.
Randomize