Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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