Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
