Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
