It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize