I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
