My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
