so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
