dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize