his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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