His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I could make wine with my vomit
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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