Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
