R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
