i permit you to call me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
