I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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