did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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