There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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